Tucking Maiya into bed tonight, we had a sweet conversation about some things that I want to remember, so I'm putting them here.
We have been snuggling up with her good wishes quilt lately and talking about the different pieces. Tonight we looked through the book and matched up the pieces with the people in the book. She loved that and really got excited when we got to a page of someone she really knows well ("George!"). On some of the pages that I made, I had put her referral picture on it. When she saw the picture, she recognized it and said, "That me, Mommy?" I told her that yes, it was her when she was a baby and was living in Korea. She said, "Mommy and Daddy came to pick me up and bring me home." I confirmed that was what happened and that she will be with us forever and ever. She smiled and said, "Fow-eva and eva." It was the first time she has ever really said the words herself (Mommy and Daddy came to pick me up and bring me home) and I got kind of emotional when she said them. In a way, it was like my baby had grown up right there in front of my eyes and was suddenly understanding something that, until tonight, has just been a story we tell her when we talk about her life. Tonight was a (small) step into the world of understanding that this isn't just A story, but it is HER story.
When we finished looking at the book, I told her that she was loved by so many people and that all of these people were so happy to get to be a part of her quilt. She said, "I yove people, Mommy."
I put the book away and layed down with her and she pointed to the picture of her and her foster mother and said, "See, Mommy? I in Korea." I confirmed and also reminded her about her about her birth mother. Then, I asked if she would like to visit Korea some day, and she said yes. She reminded me that it was far away and we need to get on an airplane. Our conversation turned to transportation for a few minutes :) and then I said that sometimes I think about her birth mom and wonder what she was doing. She nodded and looked at me quite seriously. I told her that many of the people in Korea had beautiful dark hair like she had, and big brown eyes like her. She said, "Mommy hair not brown. Mommy eyes blue." She notices that about me often. My hair and eyes are not the same as her. I asked if she would like to see lots of people in Korea that had hair and eyes like her and she said, "Yes. Brown hair and brown eyes yike me."
This may not seem deep and important to some people, but to me, these 15 minutes of pre-bedtime snuggles made me feel a deep connection to my daughter. My sweet, spunky daughter that has beautiful dark hair, and big brown eyes that don't look like her Mommy's hair and eyes. My smart and sassy daughter - that is starting to verbalize her tiny understanding of her story and her past. My daughter - that has experienced more loss in her 4 short years than any other member of our immediate family. My daughter - that has the spirit and determination to allow the story of her first year to be a part of her life, but not to define her life.
